In the Chrysalis, Dreaming Pink and Frills
by teawithmugi
Summary: After all she suffered, Nico pulled away her heart from the world, and with that she ensured that it will never break again, but it will also never beat. Locked away inside her cocoon, unwilling to leave, she knows only a single wisp of light in her sad, empty life: Nozomi.


The sound of rain against the shut windows lulled Nico into an odd serenity, all alone inside the Idol Research Club's office. That peace made her worries and woes feel so distant that, though she did not feel at all tired, she felt like it was only right to close her eyes and enjoy the calmness. The faint blue glow of the computer screen behind Nico was the only light in the room, and it ceaselessly displayed pictures and videos of idols, of their sparkling stages, so full of color. The volume of the speakers was so low that she could hardly hear the songs that played, muffled by the rain, but she didn't mind.

The world felt so distant to Nico in that moment, like there was nothing beyond the walls, like the corridors past the door had disappeared, like the city outside the windows had melted away into a fog, part of the rain. It was a strange feeling, but it was almost like safety, Nico figured. No one would come to disturb her here. Inside the office, she was sheltered from all her troubles, from the grip of her uncertain future. She liked it this way: too much had gone wrong with her life the past few years, so being here, far from the world, was heavenly. In truth, this was a paradise she had made, dressed in posters that ran all along the walls. They showed the idols that Nico adored, all of them smiling, beautiful, their skirts frilly, their outfits bright, dazzling. She looked at them every day of her life, though she knew she could never be like that, not anymore. She could dream, though, so she did.

A gentle rap at the door ousted Nico from her reveries, bringing her back to the darkness of the club's room. She craned her neck slowly, fixing her eyes upon the door. She waited and, moments later, another knock came. She smiled. It was wrong of her, she knew, but it brought Nico an odd delight to make Nozomi insist. Nobody else ever went out of their way for her like this. Nozomi was the only person who wasn't quick to give up on her, to move away, to abandon her. Even this small gesture meant much to Nico, so whenever Nozomi sought her, it made her feel like she mattered.

"Come in," Nico said, and then, thinking she had been too gentle, too weak, she added, "stop knocking so loudly."

An unbearable light invaded the room as Nozomi came in from the still well-lit corridors, but she quickly closed the door, covering the club's office in darkness once more. Nozomi stepped carefully, calmly, running her fingers over the table as she moved towards Nico, their hands touching when they were next to each other.

"Hey," Nozomi said, smiling. The faint light shone on her gentle eyes, and Nico was compelled to gaze upon them. She felt Nozomi's fingers coil around her own, caressing them. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Nico blurted out, and, as always, felt a hint of shame when she admitted that. "Nothing ever happens here."

"No new songs by any groups you like?"

"Uh? Yeah, I guess, but that hardly counts. The only really good thing that happened here today was-" She didn't finish the thought, and felt a heat on her cheeks and the urge to look away. Nico hoped that Nozomi hadn't noticed, but the curve of her lips and her sly, narrowing eyes made it clear that she had. Delicately she lifted Nico's hand, bringing it close to her own face, her mouth, and gave a light peck to the tip of each of Nico's skinny fingers.

"Is it me?" Nozomi asked in the tone of someone who already knew the answer. "The good thing that happened today?"

Nico didn't know whether to say _shut up_ or _as always, yes,_ so she only leaned her head on Nozomi's shoulder. She closed her eyes and listened to the rain, to her own hushed breathing. She loved these quiet moments with Nozomi, when they were just silent together. She liked it when they were louder, of course, when they could laugh and kiss and love, but this tranquility was its own sort of treasure. The world felt so distant now that it felt like only the two of them existed. Enclosed in this lightless room with Nozomi, nothing outside mattered. Time faded away, too, as neither past nor future seemed important while Nico was safe in her cocoon. No one could disturb her here, and Nozomi was the only person that Nico ever let in.

Nozomi began to hum a soft song, and Nico opened her eyes, staring directly at the long shelves filled with all manner of idol merchandise she had accumulated in the last few years. Some she had bought with her meager allowance; nights spent on bidding wars that went up yen by yen came to mind at once, and Nico never lost one, for she had no qualms about staying up until sunrise, then sleeping during class. Other items she had gained through long chains of deals: she had to part with some small gems in doing so, but Nico understood that sacrifices had to be made when you're on a budget. Many more she had won through online giveaways, which she entered almost religiously. She felt a bit of pride when she looked at her shelves: she might not have much money, but she also had no life, so there was _nothing_ she could not accomplish. There were three years of work there, she thought, and wondered how inappropriate it would be if she were buried with all her prizes, when she died.

"You'd be a dragon, you know," Nozomi said after she suddenly stopped humming.

"What are you talking about?" Nico lifted her head, confused, fidgety.

"You know how western dragons hoard treasure? You'd be like that, but with idol merch instead of gold and jewels. A tiny pink dragon with red eyes and long, black ears, like pigtails," Nico imagined that, unfortunately, and it made for an absurd picture. "You wouldn't breath fire, just yell mean things at adventurers who come to steal your treasure."

Nico had to smirk, but sighed an instant later. She understood what Nozomi meant: those girls had tried to get into the club room the other day, and Nico just told them to eat shit and get lost. They hadn't insisted today, but she presumed they would before the week was done.

"I'm free this weekend, by the way," Nozomi remarked, and Nico was glad to get those annoying girls out of her mind. "Wanna sleep at my place?"

"Ah, sure, but I'll be there kinda late. I'll be with my siblings in the afternoon, at the park. There's gonna be some event for kids, I don't really get it, but I'm taking them there until mom comes back from work."

"She's working Saturday again?" Nico nodded. "I get why they do it, but I hate it when parents do that."

"It's not that bad. I won't be alone, not when I'm with my siblings. Not a moment of peace, really, but it keeps me distracted."

"Maybe I can accompany you?" Nozomi suggested.

"Why would you want to spend the day doing kid stuff?" Nico blurted out. She was sincerely glad that Nozomi had offered, but admitting that was impossible for her. "Besides, won't you be busy?"

"I love being with your family!" Nozomi sounded almost offended. "And the only person I hang out with is Eli, so I'm not usually busy, you know."

She said it with a grin, but Nico knew she wasn't happy about it. The only reason Nozomi didn't spend most of her time alone and idle like Nico was because student council duties kept her busy. She once admitted to Nico that she helped out at the shrine because it gave her something to do, and the work distracted her enough that sad thoughts never crept into her mind, so she would not feel alone.

"Alright, then," Nico said. "Cocoa had been asking when you'd come to visit again, you know? My siblings like you so much…"

"I'm glad to hear that," Nozomi said, beaming. Nico's body felt warm: seeing Nozomi smile always brought her great joy, but being the one to make her so cheerful made her feel something akin to pride. Nico didn't know how to describe it, but ever since she first felt that happiness years back, she always sought it. Nozomi was at her most beautiful when she was smiling because of Nico.

She could not control herself, then, and scurried closer to Nozomi, dragging her chair with a jarring sound until it was touching Nozomi's. Their bodies brushed up against each other, and Nico leaned closer, closer, oh so close, and she thought of whispering words of love on Nozomi's ear, as flowery as she could make them, but Nico couldn't think of anything better than _I love you so much that I kinda feel like I'm gonna burst, and also you are really damn pretty_ , and all that was absolutely true, all those feelings came from deep within, but when Nico gazed again upon that lovely face, not only tranquil but tranquilizing, welcoming, her smile made of passion and home and sweetness, she felt like her words would only kill the serene beauty of being together, so she left the soft silence hang upon them like a silken veil. Wordlessly, she put her face right in front of Nozomi's, pursed her lips and closed her eyes.

The softness of Nozomi's mouth came as no surprise, as Nico had felt it so many times before, but she hadn't expected Nozomi to wrap her arms around her, so when she felt her hands clutching at her back, pulling her as close as could be, Nico held back a tiny, short yelp of surprise. It was a most satisfying shock, suddenly having Nozomi's body right against her. Nico kept her eyes shut, put her hands on Nozomi's shoulders, and felt her everything, her lips, her hands, her chest, her legs, now on top of Nico's. She enjoyed the difference in their sizes when they were like this: it felt like they complement each other, in a way. Yes, that was how it felt. They just fit. Nico's hands reached higher, a palm cupping Nozomi's cheek, the other hand stroking her hair, its strands smooth and pleasant to the touch. They were even finer, Nico found, when they were loose, cascading on her face, and she could feel their fragrance. The notion made Nico really look forward to the weekend.

Nico couldn't tell how much time had passed when they let go of each other, and she found it hard to give it any importance. She was left breathless, but Nozomi gave no sign of exhaustion. Nico felt a pang of embarrassment as she suddenly wondered if they had been too loud, if anyone might have noticed, but shrugged off that thought, told herself that no one paid any mind to the Idol Research Club.

Now it was Nozomi who leaned on her shoulder, closer than Nico had. She let out a long, content sigh, and Nico put her hand on top of Nozomi's head, petting it slowly. She pondered how tiresome her duties as Vice President of the Student Council were. Nozomi never spoke a word in complaint, of course, but it had to weigh heavily on her. Nico felt like a bit of a bum in comparison. Deep down, she did hope that Nozomi was tired. The idea of being there for her when she was stressed, lovingly helping her relax, was so sweet that it almost made her giggle. This, too, she'd never, _ever_ admit, but Nozomi always took such good care of her, and it seemed only right for Nico to do the same in return.

"Hey," Nozomi said her voice almost a whisper, her eyes calmly satisfied. "Can I ask something?" Nico answered with a slow, curious nod. "Will you let those girls in, someday?"

"What's this all of a sudden?" Nico asked, hoping to deflect the subject. Nozomi didn't seem willing to drop it, though. "Why do you care?"

"It just makes me sad to see you all alone here."

"Don't be sad. I like being alone here."

"Why?"

"You know why. I've missed my chance. I'm graduating this year. I had a shot at making this work, but…" _But I was abandoned._ "But it wasn't meant to be."

"You can't know that," Nozomi said, sternly but not without kindness. "If you don't seek the things you desire, then of course they'll never happen. You've been alone for so long, Nico. Too long. I know you still want to fulfill your dream. You still want to dance and sing and smile with people who are dear to you."

"It doesn't matter what I want," Nico grumbled. "Wanting and trying my best weren't enough, and now it's too late. I wish it had worked. I still dream of all going right, of being on a stage, shining…"

"Then try again! You still have hope, don't you?" Nico didn't answer. "You're curious about those girls. Don't deny it, you wouldn't be spying on them if you had truly given up. You're just-"

"Afraid? Yeah. All this time I've been here, alone, safe, because if I never put my hopes and trust into anyone else, then there's no way they'll hurt me. It's worked well so far. I haven't been hurt. But… I'm stuck. And I feel like such a fool because I want to give it one last shot. I want to trust them. But if this doesn't work out again, I don't know what I'll do. I don't have much time. Once I graduate, I don't even know if I can get into college, or if I'm just going to start working, but whatever happens, who's gonna give a shit about me trying to be an idol? It's gonna stop being cute when I'm an adult, if I keep failing, if I just stumble before I even get to accomplish anything. That'd just be pathetic."

"If you think you don't have much time, then you should try," Nozomi took her hands. Nico's were cold and shivered with apprehension, but Nozomi's were warm and tender, and they held on firmly.

"I should, but…" She paused to catch her breath, so that she would not cry. Nico would never do that. She had no use for tears or for the pity that they brought. "I don't want to be hurt again. I'm scared they'll just cast me aside, too."

She would say more, but before she could, Nozomi had pulled her close, holding her so tight that Nico couldn't move - not that she'd want to, now that Nozomi's affection surrounded her, and she felt her soft breathing, felt her chest rising and falling, felt her heartbeat, faintly.

"I won't let them hurt you," Nozomi promised. "If they do so, even if only a little, then I will be by your side. Always, Nico. If I fail, if I can't stop you from being hurt and you fall again, then fall on me, because I'll be there for you. As I've always been. As _you_ have always been for me, too."

"How? How can you promise that?"

"Because I'll do it with you. I'll sing with you, dance with you, if you'll allow me."

 _Don't say that_. Nico pulled herself away from Nozomi and clenched her fists, unable to restrain a frown. If not for the relaxed atmosphere of the room, Nico was certain she would be fuming right now.

"I don't want you forcing yourself to do these things for my sake. It just makes me feel like a burden."

"I misspoke. I'm doing it for my own sake as well. You're not the only one who's been alone for too long. I want to make a change, too. I love both you and Eli dearly, though in different ways, but I can't always depend on the two of you to not be lonely. This is a chance for me to help myself, too. What do you think, Nico?"

"If it's good for you too, then… Then I want to try," she confessed. "I want to…"

"Let's try, then," she said. "Together. Let's join our hopes in this, and whatever happens, come joy or sadness, whatever we must go through, we won't be alone."

Nico nodded, and felt Nozomi's lips on her forehead. It made her smirk; she loved kisses like that. She loved all of Nozomi's kisses, all the ways she showed her love. She nuzzled up her head against Nozomi's hair, and felt the need to laugh, suddenly happy, relaxed. She knew that tranquility might end, and her doubts would return, but that was fine. For now, it seemed like her troubles were not insurmountable, after all.

"Listen," Nozomi said, pointing at the closed windows, and all Nico could hear was the sound of constant raindrops. "Looks like the rain's not going anywhere. We should probably go home soon, traffic gets really bad when the weather's like this."

"Right," Nico said. Truthfully, all she wanted to do was stay there in Nozomi's arms, but she didn't want to worry her family by getting home late. "Did you bring an umbrella?"

"Nico," Nozomi's tone suddenly shifted into something scary. "I know you're asking me that because you forgot yours, right? But you did notice, when you left your home in the morning, that the sky was already grey, right? And surely your mother must have remarked that the weather forecast just wouldn't stop warning that it would rain, right?"

Nico was not unused to Nozomi's unique talent to effortlessly switch between lovably sweet and unbearably sassy, but somehow it could still surprise her after two years together. She wished she had a snappy response, but nothing came to mind, so Nico had nothing to offer but a pout.

"If you're gonna call me a dumbass for not bringing my umbrella, you don't have to be condescending about it. You can't say no to me when I ask you to share, anyways."

"Don't try me. Come to think of it, there's a chance it might rain Saturday night, too."

"But not in the afternoon? God, I won't hear the end of it if I take my siblings out and it starts raining…"

"No worries there, probably," Nozomi grinned. "But that's besides my point. A rainy night is perfect for cuddling, you know. More reason to look forward to the weekend."

Nico felt so at ease that she needed to be pulled up from her chair by Nozomi before she'd rise. As Nozomi opened the door, letting the light in, Nico turned off the computer, and gave herself some moments to let her eyes get used to the luminosity again. _Curious,_ she thought when she looked at the room. It was full of colors when it was actually lit. Nico had grown so used to it being obscured in darkness that she forgot that all her posters and books and cases made a rainbow together. It made her wish that someone could see all the work she had put into it.

Nozomi called out her name, extending her hand. Nico took it, feeling Nozomi's fingers around her own, and the two held on to each other firmly, staying close. Somewhere far away they heard the sound of footsteps, beneath the sound of rainfall. Nico's free hand dug around her pocket for the office's key, buried amidst coins and candy wrappers. When she closed the door behind her and walked away, Nozomi next to her, Nico looked back only once, and thought that when she next came to her club room, she ought to turn on the lights.


End file.
